Homeless in Hokkaido Part 2

I looked at the clock... I was almost at 13 minutes! I was setting a personal record of how long an old lady could yell at me about how irresponsible, lazy, and immature I am without saying a word back. The last time I broke this record I was 15 years old, I had just been arrested by the police at 2 in the morning, and the yelling old lady was my mother. The difference was this time I was 28 years old, I quit my job a week early, and the yelling old lady was some crazy woman I met 4 days ago. Also the first old lady kicked me out 10 years later, and the second one kicked me out the next morning.

So if you ever find yourself homeless in Japan, here's how I got through the odeal.

Sold out! Sold out! Sold out! Not the thing you want to see after getting yelled at by someone who isn't your mother.

Step 1: See if you can find a hostel for the night. They are cheaper than hotels and completely booked when the Annual Hokkaido Marathon is in town. Unfortunately, I didn't know there was a marathon going on when I told my boss the bad news. So onto step 2 for me.

Step 2: Stalk people. I saw a guy walk up to the reception desk, ask a question in Japanese, look disappointed, and walk into the elevator. I don't understand Japanese, but I knew this guy was in the same situation as me. So I followed him and we became friends.

I think he has been stalked before... He seemed to know what was going on.
He even took the picture and emailed it to me

Step 3: Goto every expensive looking hotel and prepare to be disappointed. We were trying to find a hotel that would have a room cheaper than 200$ a night. After 6 hotels, I got so desperate and thought about busting into some crappy Carly Rae Jepsen parody that went like, "Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy. But let's split the room cost, and have my babies."

Unfortunately for us, not even Hotel Dormy Inn had a room for us. So onto step 4 

Step 4: Enter the internet cafe. For Westerners this might sound insane, but sleeping in an internet cafe is pretty normal in Japan.

 You've got your choice of flat floor, computer chair, or reclining leather chair.

You've also got your own personal space inside your own little room.

 

                       And no Japanese Internet Cafe is complete without a shower room!

I chose the room with the mat and tucked my head under the table. I started to think really hard about karma because it was the only thing stopping me from thinking about the hundreds of people that have masturbated at the exact spot where my head was lying. I started to laugh at this perfect example of instant karma. I mess up somebody's plan; Now I lay awake staring at the bottom of a desk and listening to the penetrating snore of my neighbor with my feet uncomfortably pressed against the door of my "room". Life has a funny way of balancing out.